The Unsung Christmas Carol
Act 1
Christmas Eve Daytime
Scrooge is at his desk rummaging through papers and Bob Cratchit is working by his side.
Scrooge: Cratchit! Cratchit where are you, you lazy swine?
Cratchit: Right here sir, what is it?
Scrooge: Take a look at these numbers, have you been working at all?
Cratchit: I’ve been working for the last 364 days sir. I haven’t had a break in 11 years.
Scrooge: Bahumbug! You should be working 385 days a year. If you don’t have the sales up by tonight, then you’re fired!
Cratchit: But Mr. Scrooge, it’s Christmas Eve! How am I supposed to do that?
In walks the Grinch, cursing and whatnot under his breath.
Scrooge: Awww, good morning Mr. Grinch, my most valuable customer and might I add, the most likeable personality in all of the Triangle Area.
Gringe: To hell with it, I’m green, I’m furry and I’m looking for a safe box to store all these gifts I stole from Who-ville.
Cratchit: Stole?
Scrooge: Aw, he he means borrowed…tis the season, isn’t that what you holidayers always coo.
Gringe: Yes, yes. Tis the season, blah blah blah.
Scrooge: You know Cratchit, you could learn a few things from Gringe if you had half a brain. Real business mastermind.
Cratchit: Business mastermind? He stole gifts from Cindy Lou Who and all the Whos in Whoville. Sounds like robbery to me. Lis sing wa who dore…
Gringe: Who is this wise guy, Dr. Suess? At any rate, have you got a safe big enough for my loot?
Scrooge: Let’s go take a look out back. Scrooge and Grinch begin to leave.
Cratchit: Um, sir, before you take off, may I ask a favor?
Scrooge: A favor? What do I look like, Aunt Pat?
Cratchit: Tomorrow’s Christmas and I’d love to spend it with my family. If I work all night tonight, do you think that would be possible?
Gringe: It is so hard to find good help these days.
Scrooge: Family man huh? I knew I had good reason not to like you Crochet. Fine. Take your beloved holiday off but you had better be here at 4 a.m. on the 26th. Lis sing We Wish You A Merry Christmas
Cratchit: Oh thank you! Merry Christmas Scrooge! Happy Hannanaka! To you and yours!
Scrooge & Gringe leave. Enter Fred & George Bailey
Fred: Hello Mr. Cratchit! What’s all the excitement about?
Cratchit: Scrooge has agreed to give me off for Christmas!
Fred: Well isn’t that the miracle on 34th street.
Cratchit: I know, I know. What brings you and George to this part of town?
George: Hello ole building and loan!
Cratchit: Is he okay Fred?
George: Huh? Into my good ear Crochet!
Fred: Try not to stare, he’s been saying that to every building we pass. At any rate, I came to invite Scrooge to dinner tomorrow, where is the old stinker?
Cratchit: Out back with Gringe, they’re looking for a safe box. Probably plotting how to ruin other people’s Christmases as well. Do you know Gringe stole all of…
Fred: Yea, yea, all of Cindy Lou Who’s presents. I saw the tweet like an hour ago.
George: Stole the gifts? Maybe he’s got Suzu’s petals.
Fred: Nevermind George, anyway, I just stopped by to invite Scrooge to dinner tomorrow, will you pass along the message?
Cratchit: Will do Fred
George: Goodbye ya ole building and loan!
End Scene.
Act 2
Christmas Eve Night
Scrooge tucked into bed. Lis making spooky sounds – wind howling and bells jingling.
Scrooge: What was that? Sits up in bed scared, looking around because he heard a sound.
Marley: Hey mon! What’s da problem, it’s me, Marley!
Scrooge: Marley! My old business partner?
Enter Marley
Marley: No mon, Bob Marley. I’ve come to tell ya a message from Father Christmas.
Scrooge: From who? Santa Claus?
Marley: No mon, from Father Christmas. Tonight ya will be visited by tree ghosts. Spooky, creepy crawly ghosts. Ya better listen to dem, so you don’t go on ruinin’ the rest of ya days. The first ghost is from your past. From long ago when you was a young, happy man.
Scrooge: Oh I was never a happy man.
Marley: But you were! Just ask your old golfing buddy…
Enter Angel from the Past
Past: Hello Ebbie! How have you been!?
Scrooge: Oh don’t call me that, no one calls me that anymore.
Past: Come with me you old fart, come see the happy man…
Past puts arm around Scrooge and they and Marley all turn to look off into the distance.
Oprah: We’re back and we’re speaking with the most highly decorated golfer in the United States. Tell us Ebbie, how did it feel when you sank the hole in one during the Vincey Memorial?
Past Scrooge: It felt like heaven! I really can’t believe I did it and to be in such a pretigious and well-known tournament is a great honor.
Oprah: What do you credit success?
Past Scrooge: Budweiser, Shit on Shingles, and my beloved family.
Oprah: Shit on who?
Past Scrooge: An old family favorite.
Oprah: Ok, I’ll take your word for it. What would you say your family has done for you to help you become this successful?
Past Scrooge: They make me happy.
Behind them
Scrooge: Happy!? This can’t be accurate, have we gone back into someone else’s past?
Past: No Scrooge, this was you! I was there! I saw you with my own two eyes!
Enter Angel from Christmas Present
Present: Are we about done here?
Past & Marley: Shhhh!
Past: What the hell are you doing here?
Marley: Yea, aren’t we supposed to get back to his bedroom first and then you come?
Present: Listen, I’ve got a lot of stops to make, I was just at the Grinch’s house and decided to come here next since it was on the way.
Scrooge: On the way? Who the are you supposed to be?
Present: I’m the ghost of Christmas Present, come on old man, we’ve got to get a move on it.
Scrooge: Wait a minute, I’m losing track, how many of us are dead and how many are alive?
Marley: We’re all alive Scrooge, in spirit and in your dream, we’re all very much alive.
Scrooge: Have you been drinking?
Present: Come on, come on, time is ticking.
Marley, Past, Oprah, Scrooge Past all exit. Enter Cratchit to the side of Scrooge & Present
Scrooge: Oh no, not this guy. What have I got to learn from this? I know this scene inside and out, this goon works for me.
Present: He works for his family Scrooge, you happen to be his employer.
Scrooge: Don’t go soft on me stupid ghost of Christmas Right Now.
Present: The ghost of Christmas Present, Scrooge, I’m here to show you what became of the happy young man you just visited.
Scrooge: I’ll tell you what happened, he got rich and wealthy and and…
Present: And very lonely and selfish. Look at how hard Cratchit is working. Can you tell me the last time you complimented him? The last time you helped him the way he helps you? Worked hard for something the way he does?
Scrooge: He is a good worker, he doesn’t need me telling him that.
Enter Tiny Tim to Cratchit’s side
Tim: Hey Dad! Almost done working for the day?
Cratchit: Hey Tim, I’m almost done, only 13 more hours to go.
Tim: I wish you could come home early for dinner tonight.
Cratchit: I do too Tiniest Tim. But I’m work extra hard to get you a new leg.
Tim: What about my siblings Dad? I don’t deserve all the fruits of your labor.
Cratchit: I know Tiny. I’m saving for a new arm for Large Tim and a new wig for Medium Tim.
Scrooge: He sure has his hands full.
Present: He sure does, he has 14 all together, I think they’re Irish.
Scrooge: Or insane.
Present: He works this hard to provide for his family and you don’t care a bit.
Scrooge: Well why should I care? I’ve given him a job haven’t I? A paycheck? I give him those things and without me, then all the Tims and Crochet would be a lot worse off.
Present: You’re missing the point Scrooge. He is still happy despite how hard it looks on the outside. You on the other hand wouldn’t know gratitude if it slapped you in the face.
Scrooge: Slapped me in the face?
Cratchit walks over and lightly smacks Scrooge in the face.
Scrooge: I thought he couldn’t see us?
Present: Well I took a little creative liberty.
Enter Ghost of Christmas Future from the side
Future: Hello, anyone home?
Scrooge: Oh great, how many of you guys are there?
Present: Three Scrooge, there are three ghosts, don’t you ever watch the Holiday classics on Hallmark?
Present, Cratchit and Tim all exit. Future stands beside Scrooge.
Scrooge: Well where to now?
Present: To several years into the future, shortly after your death.
Scrooge: My death!? A little morbid for a Christmas classic don’t you think Ghost?
Present: Well you are going to die Scrooge and I think you better take a look at where your life is headed.
Enter ALL OTHER CHARACTERS to the side of Scrooge & Future Ghost
Oprah: Now, before we go live, does everyone remember where to sit and what they’re saying?
ALL: Yeah, yep, (etc. etc)
Oprah: Ok, any questions?
Fred: Wait a minute, I have a question. Aren’t we supposed to be forgiving and loving, especially during Christmas?
Cratchit: Good point Fred. Now I know he was a real pain in the ass, but should we really be roasting him like this? Can’t we just forgive and move on?
Scrooge: What are they talking about? What are they going to do?
Future: They are talking about you Scrooge. About how cruel and selfish you were.
Scrooge: On national television?!
Future: I guess they want to make a point.
Scrooge (addressing the group): Hey everybody, stop right there!
Tim: Mr. Scrooge? We thought you were dead!
Oprah: Damn, there went my show.
Tim: We thought you were a goner! Tim hugs Scrooge
Scrooge: Listen everybody, I get the point. I understand, I was a total jerk.
Grinch: Yeah, a big jerk.
George: Big? I want a big one!
Scrooge: I’ve learned my lesson, I don’t want to live like this anymore.
Future: Well that’s a relief, I’m late for my next appointment.
Past: Why don’t we all go over to my house for a big Christmas celebration.
Present: Good idea! I heard there was an 18 foot tree in the living room and enough food to feed an army.
ALL walk in place like you’re walking to another spot.
ENTER Mary & Joseph
Lis singing Have a Holly Jolly Christmas
Grinch: Is that the Virgin Mother and Joseph?
Joseph: It is indeed, we’ve been traveling all night for a place to lay our heads, but there is no room at the inn.
Past: There is room at our inn! Come with us!
Present: Yes, and we’re about to have a holiday party, you can join us.
Mother Mary: Good, I could use a little rest.
Lis singing Silent Night
ALL walk in place together
Wiseman 1: Before we eat, let’s hear the Virgin Mother explain the meaning of Christmas.
ALL agree that sounds like a good idea.
Scrooge: And Mother, if you don’t mind could you do me a favor?
Mother Mary: Of course Ebby, what is it?
Scrooge: After your story, could you please give them my gift?
Mother Mary: Of course, but why don’t you give it to them?
Scrooge: I want to see their faces when they receive the gift.
Jingle Bells
ALL CHARACTERS remain standing while Mother Mary finishes the play.
Mother Mary: Okay, gather round you kind and odd group of people.
Christmas day is soon in coming,
All the bustle, all the running.
For every gift and tree adorned,
A holiday memory will be born.
All the cooking and late night wrapping,
Matched in effort only by afternoon napping.
The anxious secret keeping,
And curious children peeping.
The traffic jams that made me curse,
The parking lot that made it worse.
The warmest December since the dawn of man,
I began to think Christmas was a luke-warm scam.
So much to do and so much to see,
One night I paused with a warm cup of tea.
I considered my blessings, my family and friends.
Good health and time to make amends.
Time to laugh around a table of folks,
Telling old stories and older jokes.
I thought of the other times we gathered here,
And just the memory made a smile appear.
Enter the 3 wiseman.
So now here we are on another Eve,
To celebrate these gifts before we leave.
The gift of Jesus born tonight.
The gifts of wiseman brought in the night.
The gift of family, by birth or otherwise,
The gift of knowing The Last Gift has arrived.
So from the wiseman’s box, the lid I’ll lift.
And pull a name to receive the gift.
Teresa…pull a name out of the box and read the winner’s name!
No comments:
Post a Comment